I was sitting at the back, directly behind his seat to be exact. He was driving, I don't know what the car is called, but it is new, the smell of leather still very strong.
It was late, and we were going home, I stared out the window, mind not really registering all that passes by. I asked him what he thinks God thinks about war. He gave me a really long answer, I didn't really care for it. I just wanted to listen, his voice soothing as he talked.
The voice, it sounds like a voice of someone that loves me, and I needed that.
A wishing so hard,
Carmen
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
So I lost something again
So this time it is my purse.
*What??? You lost your purse? How did you do that? Where did you lose it?*
Add other relevant commentaries people generally say when they hear something like this.
Look, thing is if I knew where it was it would not be lost, no?
But I know what you all mean, you want a story. So the story is ...
The last time I am 100% sure I have it is around 12:20pm 071109, at the Raja Chulan monorail station cause I had to pay for my ticket.
But around 1:15pm, at k3k, ss15 I am pretty sure it was with me too. Cause I remember making sure it was in my bag before getting down of the car when I went for lunch with Yin.
But the thing with my memory is that you cannot trust it, just cause I remember seeing it, it doesn't really mean that I REALLY saw it.
Especially since Yin paid for lunch so I did not look into my bag since getting down from the car.
Then we went to uni, proceeded to the quiet study area of the library in level 2, whereby we both sat down and I promptly put my head on the table and fell asleep, with my bag placed in front of me. It was quite a deep sleep, I was not feeling too well. That was around 2:45pm I only woke up at 5pm when the library was closing. When I woke up I remember feeling paralyzed. No seriously, my head was so heavy and I couldn't really feel my body shoulder's downwards, except just the feeling of being extremely weighted down. I was groggy and I really really struggled to sit upright, then I struggled even harder to stand up and walk downstairs to the aquarium.
I saw Andrew and Japh, they both were really concerned and asked if I was alright.
*I must have looked really dazed and stoned at that point.*
I said I was and walked out to the cafeteria with Japh, sat down and Japh started talking about the CF. I did not say much, just sat and listened and nodded.
*But I was totally paying attention okay?!*
At one point Japh looked at me funny, I think he was not very used to a "weak" Carmen, to which I said to him, "You should appreciate the quiet, sick Carmen while I am weak and silent, it is a rarity". He laughed.
*I can only say that I am glad that people still find that I am funny even when I am sick*
Anyway, he offered to send me home, which I would be eternally grateful for, because I really felt terrible then. Upon reaching home I slept till Karl's calls woke me up. I went online then went back to sleep.
Today, 081109, woke up, wanted to buy lunch then realized I do not have my purse in my bag.
Called Japh + Yin, purse was not with them. Drove to uni, made reports, sat in the security office talking to security people, to which they very sympathetically listened to my story and comforted me with other "horror" stories of how often people lose or get robbed of their valueables in Monash.
*It is a comfort I suppose to know I am not the only one*
But yea, they were all very nice to me, we are acquainted to the degree of knowing each other's first name already. Earlier this sem, I joked with myself that judging the amount of time I will visit and consequently spend in their office because of how often I lose my things, we would be best friends.
*ha ha ha (imagine most dry sarcastic laugh ever) the joke is on me I suppose*
Anyhow, despite losing my things often enough in uni to have lodge reports a few times, I found that they were nice, helpful and proffesional EVERY SINGLE time. And I have decided that the security is the BEST department in the entire campus, surpassing even the teaching faculty, definitely more efficient then the administration or finance department, needless to say our cafeteria, which is just another form of daylight robbery. I vowed to write a letter of commendation as soon as I am free from exams, and find out ways of how I can show them that I am grateful of the patience that they have shown this entire semester to this klutz people call Carmen.
So that's the story people, so somewhere between 12:20pm 071109 till about 6pm, when I got home, I lost it.
Please be kind and do not chide me for losing my things, instead be kind and pat me on my head or something. Or offer a solution, especially if you happen to be an engineer. Shrugs. They have given me an impression that they can fix anything. Sorta like mini God's except that would be blasphemous to think or say, so I guess like mini fairy's?
Anyway came home, from making report and told Lerry about it. And she proceeded to comfort me by saying,
*What??? You lost your purse? How did you do that? Where did you lose it?*
Add other relevant commentaries people generally say when they hear something like this.
Look, thing is if I knew where it was it would not be lost, no?
But I know what you all mean, you want a story. So the story is ...
The last time I am 100% sure I have it is around 12:20pm 071109, at the Raja Chulan monorail station cause I had to pay for my ticket.
But around 1:15pm, at k3k, ss15 I am pretty sure it was with me too. Cause I remember making sure it was in my bag before getting down of the car when I went for lunch with Yin.
But the thing with my memory is that you cannot trust it, just cause I remember seeing it, it doesn't really mean that I REALLY saw it.
Especially since Yin paid for lunch so I did not look into my bag since getting down from the car.
Then we went to uni, proceeded to the quiet study area of the library in level 2, whereby we both sat down and I promptly put my head on the table and fell asleep, with my bag placed in front of me. It was quite a deep sleep, I was not feeling too well. That was around 2:45pm I only woke up at 5pm when the library was closing. When I woke up I remember feeling paralyzed. No seriously, my head was so heavy and I couldn't really feel my body shoulder's downwards, except just the feeling of being extremely weighted down. I was groggy and I really really struggled to sit upright, then I struggled even harder to stand up and walk downstairs to the aquarium.
I saw Andrew and Japh, they both were really concerned and asked if I was alright.
*I must have looked really dazed and stoned at that point.*
I said I was and walked out to the cafeteria with Japh, sat down and Japh started talking about the CF. I did not say much, just sat and listened and nodded.
*But I was totally paying attention okay?!*
At one point Japh looked at me funny, I think he was not very used to a "weak" Carmen, to which I said to him, "You should appreciate the quiet, sick Carmen while I am weak and silent, it is a rarity". He laughed.
*I can only say that I am glad that people still find that I am funny even when I am sick*
Anyway, he offered to send me home, which I would be eternally grateful for, because I really felt terrible then. Upon reaching home I slept till Karl's calls woke me up. I went online then went back to sleep.
Today, 081109, woke up, wanted to buy lunch then realized I do not have my purse in my bag.
Called Japh + Yin, purse was not with them. Drove to uni, made reports, sat in the security office talking to security people, to which they very sympathetically listened to my story and comforted me with other "horror" stories of how often people lose or get robbed of their valueables in Monash.
*It is a comfort I suppose to know I am not the only one*
But yea, they were all very nice to me, we are acquainted to the degree of knowing each other's first name already. Earlier this sem, I joked with myself that judging the amount of time I will visit and consequently spend in their office because of how often I lose my things, we would be best friends.
*ha ha ha (imagine most dry sarcastic laugh ever) the joke is on me I suppose*
Anyhow, despite losing my things often enough in uni to have lodge reports a few times, I found that they were nice, helpful and proffesional EVERY SINGLE time. And I have decided that the security is the BEST department in the entire campus, surpassing even the teaching faculty, definitely more efficient then the administration or finance department, needless to say our cafeteria, which is just another form of daylight robbery. I vowed to write a letter of commendation as soon as I am free from exams, and find out ways of how I can show them that I am grateful of the patience that they have shown this entire semester to this klutz people call Carmen.
So that's the story people, so somewhere between 12:20pm 071109 till about 6pm, when I got home, I lost it.
Please be kind and do not chide me for losing my things, instead be kind and pat me on my head or something. Or offer a solution, especially if you happen to be an engineer. Shrugs. They have given me an impression that they can fix anything. Sorta like mini God's except that would be blasphemous to think or say, so I guess like mini fairy's?
Anyway came home, from making report and told Lerry about it. And she proceeded to comfort me by saying,
Lerida. says:
be glad there wasnt rm100 in it
knots to remember says:
WHAT! LAUGHS! THATS NOT EVEN LOGICAL
thats like saying be glad that you only lost your purse and not your life
or like be glad that you lost your purse and that you werent rape
or be glad that you are not dead, lying in some ditch somewhere
Lerida. says:
YEAH LAH in other words
it could have been worse.
YES?
yes.
knots to remember says:
laughs!
thanks
in some sick way that sort of comforted me
sighs =(
i hate myself for sounding so whiny
Lerida. says:
it's okay.
i'm whiny too.
don't hate yourself.
at least you didn't lose your essays or something.
knots to remember says:
laughs!
what twisted logic
but thank you
you actually made me laugh
Lerida. says:
yay!
i can die a happy person now
be glad there wasnt rm100 in it
knots to remember says:
WHAT! LAUGHS! THATS NOT EVEN LOGICAL
thats like saying be glad that you only lost your purse and not your life
or like be glad that you lost your purse and that you werent rape
or be glad that you are not dead, lying in some ditch somewhere
Lerida. says:
YEAH LAH in other words
it could have been worse.
YES?
yes.
knots to remember says:
laughs!
thanks
in some sick way that sort of comforted me
sighs =(
i hate myself for sounding so whiny
Lerida. says:
it's okay.
i'm whiny too.
don't hate yourself.
at least you didn't lose your essays or something.
knots to remember says:
laughs!
what twisted logic
but thank you
you actually made me laugh
Lerida. says:
yay!
i can die a happy person now
But sighs, I laughed and felt better. I mean I am still bummed, and very upset with myself cause I lose things, but when put into perspective, things could be worse. Yes I could be lying naked in some ditch somewhere, a victim of robbery, rape and murder. My body all bloated and ugly cause of the water retention or something, I don't know exactly why people who pass away in water are bloated, I have never died that way before.
Which reminds me of something, Karl and I were looking for parking once, and as we neared the "jungle" he exclaimed "Oooh praise God, the parking is still there!" as we neared it, we found that we have been the victim of false hopes most usually given by Kancil cars that leads you to believe that a spot is empty cause Kancils are too small to be seen unless you are directly in front of the spot.
He then proceeded to say something along the lines of "Oh bummer" which he did not cause Karl does not say things like "Oh bummer", and then I said
Which reminds me of something, Karl and I were looking for parking once, and as we neared the "jungle" he exclaimed "Oooh praise God, the parking is still there!" as we neared it, we found that we have been the victim of false hopes most usually given by Kancil cars that leads you to believe that a spot is empty cause Kancils are too small to be seen unless you are directly in front of the spot.
He then proceeded to say something along the lines of "Oh bummer" which he did not cause Karl does not say things like "Oh bummer", and then I said
"Praise Him anyway?"
So, that I suppose would be my attitude towards this whole lost my purse thing, "Praise Him anyway".
Having said that, Little Ms White Pure White Purse, with Silver rectangle logo on the bottom right, that I purchased from Vincci, Sunway Pyramid, with my super pretty student ID in there which I would need to verify that I am INDEED Carmen Looi, 2174**** when I take my HRM paper this coming Tuesday, please come home. =(
A feeling cold from sitting directly under the fan,
Carmen
Having said that, Little Ms White Pure White Purse, with Silver rectangle logo on the bottom right, that I purchased from Vincci, Sunway Pyramid, with my super pretty student ID in there which I would need to verify that I am INDEED Carmen Looi, 2174**** when I take my HRM paper this coming Tuesday, please come home. =(
A feeling cold from sitting directly under the fan,
Carmen
*grins*
Scoreboard
Boyfriend vs Boy Friends
0 - 5
I will not (at least for a while) complain that I am not loved enough already.
*laughs* even if Yin totally hoards all the boys.
I will not (at least for a while) complain that the boys lack.
Cause where they do, they more than make it up elsewhere.
I will not (at least for a while) complain about those totally in love couples in my life right now.
Because they are in a sense limiting themselves, today I discovered the joys of having them all *grins*
Thank you Jesus for the smorgasbord of boy friends in my life now.
A going to sleep happy,
Carmen
0 - 5
I will not (at least for a while) complain that I am not loved enough already.
*laughs* even if Yin totally hoards all the boys.
I will not (at least for a while) complain that the boys lack.
Cause where they do, they more than make it up elsewhere.
I will not (at least for a while) complain about those totally in love couples in my life right now.
Because they are in a sense limiting themselves, today I discovered the joys of having them all *grins*
Thank you Jesus for the smorgasbord of boy friends in my life now.
A going to sleep happy,
Carmen
Friday, November 6, 2009
Bridge mou?
do you play bridge? ....
clumsy,
outspoken
says outrageous things,
unapologetic about a lot of things,
and the list goes on?
do you know why she is ....
loud,clumsy,
outspoken
says outrageous things,
unapologetic about a lot of things,
and the list goes on?
Well here is a theory, she throws down all her 2's, 3's, 4's, at the beginning of the game. "weak" cards goes first, you win many sets. It might seem like a risky game, for her to lose a few sets at the beginning of the game, to lose control. You think you have the upper hand now don't you?
You got her figured out huh? What a loud obnoxious irritating full of herself person she is...
But that is cause she is saving her trump cards, her best for the last, it is a risky way too play, no doubt. S0metimes she miscalculates and loses too many sets, it is irreparable, even with all her trump cards later on, the loss may be too great.
But I think,
is that if she plays by throwing down all her trump cards first and makes you decide you like playing Bridge with her, and you think "Hey my partner ROCKS, I love playing bridge with her!" (bridge is a game that involves teaming up with a partner).
And she makes you think that she is doing great with the game ... and then she runs out of trump cards, and you both lose.
I mean if she shows first her bad hand, I think what she wants you to know is, "Hey Partner, I am weak in my diamonds, you got to back me up there, OR hey I am running out of spades maybe you can play to my weakness and make it our strength?"
In the same way, if you first see her "worst", and decides you don't want to play because you see that she has a bad hand, she would wish it wasn't so or you would give her a chance but at least everyone has been up front about it. But if she plays her best card first you might decide you like her a lot and stay and play... then you realize her cards aren't that great after all, and you don't feel like playing anymore because you don't want to risk being partners with her in a game.
And you want to leave, which would be okay, except that she has already loved you with all her heart. And she is always to proud to ask you to stay. So you go, taking a piece of her with you, and soon the crack get bigger and her heart might no longer hold together and might fall apart.
So "worst" hands first, save yourself the disappointment.
She wants you to know that she does not really necessarily play like this in the real Bridge game.
She wants you to know that this piece is rather choppy cause the thought crossed her mind when she was jogging, and she snatched it quickly and crammed it into her mouth just to regurgitate it, because she knows that this is one of those fleeting thought things whereby if she doesn't do so it would be like a misplaced files among the many folders in what she calls her brain.
She will never be able to retrieve it.
She wants you to therefore to take this piece with a pinch of salt because it may not be the most accurate reflection of anything at all.
A should go shower,
Carmen
You got her figured out huh? What a loud obnoxious irritating full of herself person she is...
But that is cause she is saving her trump cards, her best for the last, it is a risky way too play, no doubt. S0metimes she miscalculates and loses too many sets, it is irreparable, even with all her trump cards later on, the loss may be too great.
But I think,
the greater is the fear
is that if she plays by throwing down all her trump cards first and makes you decide you like playing Bridge with her, and you think "Hey my partner ROCKS, I love playing bridge with her!" (bridge is a game that involves teaming up with a partner).
And she makes you think that she is doing great with the game ... and then she runs out of trump cards, and you both lose.
I mean if she shows first her bad hand, I think what she wants you to know is, "Hey Partner, I am weak in my diamonds, you got to back me up there, OR hey I am running out of spades maybe you can play to my weakness and make it our strength?"
In the same way, if you first see her "worst", and decides you don't want to play because you see that she has a bad hand, she would wish it wasn't so or you would give her a chance but at least everyone has been up front about it. But if she plays her best card first you might decide you like her a lot and stay and play... then you realize her cards aren't that great after all, and you don't feel like playing anymore because you don't want to risk being partners with her in a game.
And you want to leave, which would be okay, except that she has already loved you with all her heart. And she is always to proud to ask you to stay. So you go, taking a piece of her with you, and soon the crack get bigger and her heart might no longer hold together and might fall apart.
So "worst" hands first, save yourself the disappointment.
She wants you to know that she does not really necessarily play like this in the real Bridge game.
She wants you to know that this piece is rather choppy cause the thought crossed her mind when she was jogging, and she snatched it quickly and crammed it into her mouth just to regurgitate it, because she knows that this is one of those fleeting thought things whereby if she doesn't do so it would be like a misplaced files among the many folders in what she calls her brain.
She will never be able to retrieve it.
She wants you to therefore to take this piece with a pinch of salt because it may not be the most accurate reflection of anything at all.
A should go shower,
Carmen
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Dedicated to my bunny sisters
I sit alone in my room, and certain MSN conversations makes me feel really stupid because somethings are so funny, I literally burst out laughing like crazy and cannot stop. Sometimes it is more severe because it is so funny I literally roll around laughing. And then I sober up, and tentatively look around. Considering I am alone in my room and my door is locked I don't know why I do that, but I do, and so that makes me feel stupid.
This post is blue because I associate the colour blue to bunnies and it is aptly so since this post is dedicated to them. So here is to many more of these hilarious, roll around in laughter, make me feel stupid conversation.
OH btw, REGARDLESS what YOU say, YOU are a bunny, and it is for life. You do not have a choice. Laughs =) Resistance is futile. It is to your benefit it you come to terms with it earlier.
I make us sound like some Playboy Bunnies thing -_- but we aren't. Laughs.
What are we?
That is a secret =)
A just finished Freakanomics,
Carmen
This post is blue because I associate the colour blue to bunnies and it is aptly so since this post is dedicated to them. So here is to many more of these hilarious, roll around in laughter, make me feel stupid conversation.
OH btw, REGARDLESS what YOU say, YOU are a bunny, and it is for life. You do not have a choice. Laughs =) Resistance is futile. It is to your benefit it you come to terms with it earlier.
I make us sound like some Playboy Bunnies thing -_- but we aren't. Laughs.
What are we?
That is a secret =)
A just finished Freakanomics,
Carmen
Monday, November 2, 2009
random things that crossed my mind
This is my brother, Isaac, he is 5.
He has a friend that comes over to our house really often to play.
His friend Ray Shawn looks a bit Korean
+ Japanese.
He is cute, a real heart breaker I bet.
Shrugs. He broke mine when he said,
I am Ray Shawn and I am 5.
Being ever the hopeful I asked my dad if he knows if Ray Shawn has any older brothers.
I think (cause I do not remember exactly) my dad said, "Yes" to which I said "Really???" and then my dad said "Yes he is 7".
So other random things includes ...
My conversation with Hee today, we talked about actually more like I rattled on about how I realized I have only about 6 months left in Malaysia IF the Australia thing goes as planned.
I panicked over the extremely long mental list of things I feel like I need to bring there.
I grumbled about how I hate the cold cause it is miserable. Worse still is that I will be flying there in June which is apparently winter =(
I was excited at the notion that I would be able to cook as much broccoli as I want over there.
Thus on a slightly related note, Jo Fairy asked me about my opinion on why is it important to be transparent and honest and an exerpt of what I said is,
It does a lot to the self esteem la, it is about letting people into your life, allowing them to choose to love you even though they see not so pretty things and when they do you find your worth there la. NOT THAT YOUR ULTIMATE WORTH SHOULDN'T BE IN JESUS. IT TOTALLY SHOULD just that people are no denying it really important too.
So it is related because, someone once said that she is hesitant of letting me into her life and getting close to me cause I am going to leave for Australia.
But people always leave? I mean that in a non - emo way. I mean life will always take you away from people, unless that person is your spouse and even that can be parted in death. So I don't know.
I have never been one to not let someone in just because I think that there will be the possibility of the person leaving, or the possibility that if I get too close the person will have the capacity to hurt me.Shrugs, NEWS FLASH, people leave and hurt you, that's life, really. But when I love, I choose that it is always with all my heart.
I mean, if that person mattered to me, or if I mattered to that person, there's only so much life can do to take us apart right? I mean other than death, what is the worse that could happen? Distance? Which means little if measured by how much of a part of my life you are, which has nothing to do with distance.
So yea, other random things that crossed my mind are the words,
I will see you in the morning.
See you when I do and think of you when I don't.
and I missed you.
See you when I do and think of you when I don't.
and I missed you.
A always thirsty,
Carmen
Carmen
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