Only He will understand the humour in it

Who would have thought Ms Heong Ying Roe shares my heart, she said

"I'll support him in whatever he do and go wherever he takes me"

"I just wanna believe that the big guy sitting upstairs watching me squirming in this situation like an idiot has the best in mind for me. If it is this then we'll know when the time comes if not

I wanna believe that HE WONT MAKE ME SETTLE, I DON'T WANNA SETTLE".

High 5 la!

A sad enough to have classes tomorrow,
Carmen

suami saya pukul

he said "Give it to me".
she said "No!" and tried to hold on tighter.
he tried again, "Give it to me, Carmen".
"NO" she said, her voice raised that bit more,
this time her teeth bared, her clutch tighter.
he reached for her wrist and brought her hand to him,
gently but firmly he pried her fingers open,
and he made her give it to him,
she was angry because she could do nothing about it
he was stronger than her.

she absolutely hates him,
for making her let go before she was ready,
but more than that she loved him,
because he made her release it,
taking the burden from her,
at the very least it's not hers to bear alone anymore.
he was helping her carry it, together.

thank you for changing my life.

A bruised,
Carmen

The customer is always right

I said ....

Pa, today everything that could have gone wrong happened. And then I sighed and said "Pat my head okay Pa?

Then I realized that it is not really fair to say that, because it's almost the same as using the words "always" and "never" in an argument.

So I rephrased and said, "Pa, today many things went wrong BUT not everything, because the Audi 1 did not flood with sirap bandung or a terrorist did not come and roll me over with a lorry or I did not hit my head and get amnesia, so although *long list of grumble about what happened today* BUT it is okay.

After today's experience I just realized how limited a Christian's swear word vocabulary is ... well "technically" at least, I mean some Christian's might have different principles. Case in point, after receiving some really really really bad news from tutor, non Christian friends started swearing in most colourful swear words whereas I had to console myself with just muttering "Menopausal fat dugong" again and again. *laughs*

So yea, things COULD be a lot worse. For now I am just thankful Jarrod sent me home and that Debbie was forgiving.

An exhausted,
Carmen

Some of those I stand for

Especially for Fairy, Lucky and Justin Long, but also the others,

I saw an album in Josh's Facebook, it was titled "Some of those I stand for" and in the album were mostly pictures of cg people. I think he would not have known how much those words affected me.

Because in this difficult season of my life, when many many decisions are so so difficult to make, especially to choose that which is right, remembering those words made it easier

Because it feels like I am in the quicksand and its up to my neck and I am suffocating. Because I am in a bad shape emotionally and it would have been easier to let myself slip deeper and not bother keeping my head above the sand.

But today, today I remembered those words "some of those I stand for" and because they all believe in me, because they love me enough to do the crazy things they do for me, because they listened, because they held my hand and want to walk with me through this, even when I cannot and refuse, for them I will stand.

Because they matter, and if I cannot stand for myself, I will for them, to not fail them, to make them proud.

A going to try again,
Carmen

During exams period

Funny things happen that makes me laugh so hard that exams does not seem so bad anymore.

Story 1.

So the Monash Christian Fellowship has a CofFree Ministry that basically pass out free coffee during the exam period. One day a friend of Abel, who was NOT a Christian passed by the "booth" and said "Hey wanna try some Jesus/Christian Coffee?" (I cannot remember which is it that he said). The funny thing is that he said it in a "serious" way like he wasn't mocking Jesus sort of thing.

Story 2.

It was the morning before our Project Paper and I studying with Japheth and Andrew. I was having some nervous breakdown because I was not prepared for the paper, and suddenly I burst into saying "Hey I know! We can all write down notes on our bellies and then during exam we can go into the toilet cubicles to look at it!"

Then Japh was like "Huh? But how? They won't let us into the same cubicle" Japh - so innocent, he obviously doesn't engage in these sort of activities often. I replied "No Japh! You write on YOUR own belly and I write on mine! During the exam we go to the toilet respectively and look at our own belly in our own cubicle".

Andrew piped in "Then I must be the winner cause my belly is the biggest therefore I have most writing space!".

At this point we all laughed. Exams does funny things to people.

Story 3.

This is not really a "funny" story but I figured it was related cause it is exam related. So a lot of us had our last paper on Friday and a whole bunch of them decided that they wanted to play L4D after our last paper. I went, Fairy taught me how to play. It was quite fun, although I think zombies are disturbing and I got a little dizzy from looking at the 3d screen *I don't remember the technical term for it*. It was the first time I ever played anything other than DOTA and Tumblebugs.

Experiencing things is good :)

*another post that I typed long ago and is way overdue. I found a bit of time tonight and decided to post some of them up*

A blessed,
Carmen

I am going to sacrifice a goat

So I have been freaking out on my exam result for the past week. As in seriously worried, niggling at the back of my head, causing me stress sort of worried. Every now and then I would say to myself (either out loud or in my head)

"I do not want to check my results on Thursday evening"

I did not want to check it because I wanted to live in denial for as long as I can,
But today, which is The Day, Fairy called me, as I was talking to her, she somehow conned me into checking my results. Okay it was more like through the conversation I would at random intervals shout out

"I do not want to check my results"

or something along those lines, but anyway I shouted that for like 5 times and then I found myself clicking on the WES page! =.= Talk about reverse psychology.

Anyway upon clicking the page it took me forever to look at my results, the first reaction when the page came up was "Gahh" and then I quickly looked away. And I covered it with my hands, when my hand got tired I took an envelope and propped it against the screen.

Long story short, it took me FOREVER to finally look at my results! And when I finally did, I was so so so relieved seriously, I could not really function for a minute, I kinda froze. I was so so ecstatic the first thing I thought was Thank YOU God, so so so much! I am going to find a goat and kill it and sacrifice it. Except You are kinda not into that anymore.

But really, it is ALL Him, my RDA paper was really bad. The sort of bad that I "know" I was going to fail except I did not verbalize it to not "jinx" it sort of thing. Well hey what do I "know" about "knowing"? Heh. Thank You for grace and mercy, I am eternally grateful that because You are awesome and I did not fail, I do not have to spend the rest of my life under the LDP flyover as a hobo after all =)

*an overdue post that I typed but did not post up*

A relieved,
Carmen

Dreams

"But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. " - William Butler Yeats

So its like when I have a dream
It is small and fragile
And if I share it to the world too fast
Then people will kill that dream
Because the realist in life will tell me a 100 reasons why my dreams will not work
Or reasons how i can do it "better"
And they might be "right" or have all the logic on their side
But the thing is they are my dreams
And sometimes people just have to let others dream
So i keep my dreams close till i can make something out of them

A loved,
Carmen